Legacies
Last week, I posted, reflecting on my blog and my reflections of my own life. It made me think. I know what my wife thinks of me. She tells me with complete clarity. I think I know what my friends think of me, then again you never really know for sure, but ultimately, how much does that really matter.
What about the people that mean the most??? What about my children????
What do they see with those sharp, piercing, ever-seeing eyes? They wouldn't tell me the truth if I asked them. They'll just tell me what they think I want to hear.
What traits of mine will they grow up and emulate? How would they define me as a person? If, G-d forbid, something happened to me today, what and how would they remember me? What would they consider my legacies, the things that I lived for, the things that I stood for?
posted by A Frum Idealist | 7/10/2006 09:01:00 AM
12 Comments:
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We must know each other. I was going to post about this exact thing last week, by didn't. Kids know what makes us happy and what things we don't like. My son knows whos Torah Tapes/MP3s I'm into and my daughter knows that I don't like pickles. Great post.
i think the things that affect your children the most are the things youre the least aware of, the things you take for granted. your personality traits that are so ingrained that you dont even work on them because youre barely aware of them. the good thing is that applies for the positive and negative..
i think in the short term kids might focus on the negative.. but in the long term usually kids remmeber the positive theyve seen and learned from you.
i think your children would pick up and emulate things about you - as in what you post about yourself in blog number 100.
children are so perceptive- if you are someone trying to grow -they feel it and will probably want something similar for themselves.
besides for that - what you ask is interesting - similar to what barbara once wrote on her post -
asking what people would like to see written on their epitah - or obituary...
i've never really sat down and made the time to figure out an answer -but i think anyone would glean insight if they did..
good luck on your journey..
Hmm ur too young to be having such thoughts..
Anyhow..after a few family members of mine died..I've found that people usually remember the good things
This is why I try so hard to teach by example. I mostly want to instill a love of yiddishkeit into my little one, among certain traits like honesty. If I am successful in that, I would have reached my goal somewhat. Of course we only want the best for our children. It is scary being a parent.
how powerful. very strong post. i dont know what our kids will remember about us as parents. It would definalty be the little things that made a big impression on them. however, lets not think about such thoughts! May we all live to be 120 and have many years to go.....
I think that your friends and family see you as you project yourselves to them, a very shy person can appear as someone overflowing with confidence for e.g.
It’s not unusual for a father to be idolized by young kids, that’s because they see him as invincible and almost all knowing.
A widely known fact in parenting though is that kids will retain what they see much then what the parent says to the kids.
So think about what they get to see,(do you slam the door when a beggar leaves)? And that is probably what they think of you.
neil - I was focusing more on our actions, and what our children will emulate, but you, of course, are right as well.
m00kie - what you are saying makes sense. kids pick up on what is really our essence. what we spend the most time and focus on.
but unfortunately, as you say, sometimes short term they see things in a warped way.
TOWIK - I hope that will be the case. My grandfather (AH) started writing his tzavaa at forty. It's not such a bad idea. When I get there, I might just start to do the same.
David - haven't you read your own blog?? Unfortunately, we have no way of knowing what will happen tomorrow. People much younger than me have unfortunately died "prematurely". Besides, doesn't it say that you should live each day as if it's your last?
If you think about it, I am not really discussing dying, but more on how we live. :-)
frumgirl - It's so important. I think you hit the nail on the head. The most important thing is consistency. Kids are very quick to pick up on hypocrisy. If parents preach one thing and conduct themselves in a different manner, it often doesn't sit well with kids. Love of yiddishkeit IS so important. It all stems from that. It reminds me of an old post of yours from around chanukah time. And yes, parenting is VERY scary.
chaverah - I don't care so much about what they think of us as parents. That's important, but not most important. Inevitably kids emulate their parents. I want them to emulate the things that are important to me.
prag - I thnk I blogged about that once upon a time, about actions speaking louder than words. lol.
very good points.
I know my parents stressed midos and chessed and a love for hashem and all of his creations. I constantly saw them giving of themselves in so many ways. I try to emulate that as much as possible, but with my own personal flavor and twist. I hope and pray that my kids continue on in that same path.
I know..I know
I'm just saying people dont usually worry about these things until later in life..(then again ..I dont know how old u are..lol)
you can do it at anytime...
in fact you can change it year by year - or every two or three years - depending on changes and growth...
i'd love to do that - but since blogging takes up all my spare time... (lol - kidding :) )
anyway - i think i just might - i feel ready for the challenge -
"Obviously," I said, in a tone meant at once to mock, but also to placate, "if your question(s) could be answered you would only have to examine your own life and your relationship with your parental units vis a vis how you turned out."
Now go forth and sin some more.
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