Near Tragedy

Five years ago today (in English). The first day of Rosh Hashana. The first day of 5762. The world still reeling in the aftermath of 9/11. Davening in shul. The Rav speaks before Tekias Shofar. Start saying Lamnatzeach. Once.... twice.... was that three or four? Why is someone tapping me on the shoulder? Why now? What do they want NOW? I'm trying to concentrate on the Lamnatzeachs. Next thing I know, Hatzala is whisking me home in an ambulance. They won't even tell me what's wrong. Oh my G-d! Oh my G-d! I race into the house. She's conscious. She looks over at me. I hope she's ok. Please G-d let her be ok.
My stomach doing unbelievable flip-flops. Reality setting in.
Oh my G-d!
Off she goes in the ambulance. Walking back to shul. What do I tell the others? What do I say? What do I do? So many questions. Don't want to face the questions now. At the moment, NO answers.....
Mussaf. Shmoneh Esrai. What do I do? How am I supposed to daven? How can I daven now? How can I do anything else BUT daven now? My face buried deep in the siddur. Tears flowing freely now. The words I have said thousands of times before, won't come out. I NEED to daven now. I NEED things to be ok. What a struggle.... "Hashem Sefasai Tiftach....." without YOUR help Hashem, to open my lips, I can't pray before you and beg YOU, and only you, for your help.
Sooo ironic.
PLEASE help. PLEASE!!!

BH, the help was there, what came close to being an unspeakable tragedy is now BH nothing more than a very scary memory. Then came the thinking. The analyzations. The questions. More questions. The strongest being why? why??? What did we do wrong to deserve this near tragedy, and on, of all days, Rosh Hashana itself. Perhaps the most important question, what did we do right for which we were rewarded with the fact that it was only a NEAR tragedy and disaster was averted. Questions that remain until this day. Answers that won't be revealed in this world. At the end of the day, only one thing to say: "Modim anachnu lach Hashem Elokainu....."