What is Love? (Part II)

(Tevye)
Golde...
Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I what?

(Tevye)
Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
With our daughters getting married
And this trouble in the town
You're upset, you're worn out
Go inside, go lie down!
Maybe it's indigestion

(Tevye)
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
You're a fool

(Tevye)
"I know..."

But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

(Tevye)
Golde, The first time I met you
Was on our wedding day
I was scared

(Golde)
I was shy

(Tevye)
I was nervous

(Golde)
So was I

(Tevye)
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?

(Golde)
I'm your wife

(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?

(Tevye)
Then you love me?

(Golde)
I suppose I do

(Tevye)
And I suppose I love you too

(Both)
It change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It's nice to know

How can love be defined? Obviously it's not something that can be defined in concrete terms and the act of giving is definitely a major part of it. However, we give to friends as well, so giving may lead to love, but I wouldn't say that it defines it or could be used as a measuring stick.
I was thinking about this over the last few weeks, and what I have come up with as a defining factor is selfless giving. Most times when we give or do something we are thinking about what we will get back in return or how we benefit from that act. Love (IMHO) means giving without requiring anything to be gained by the act other than the pure happiness of the recipient. If we are satisfied with that and that alone, that's a true indication of love.
How is that measured though? I believe that sacrifice plays a role here. Look above at what Golde tells Tevye, she cooked for him, washed the clothes, milked the cows, etc. Do you think she necessarily enjoyed doing those things? Most likely not, but she continued doing them. why? because she loved him.
This also fits in well with our love for Hashem. We are given 613 commandments by Him. Not all of them are "fun", they come with some work, effort and sacrifice. We may not want to get up early to go to shul, we may be tempted not to keep kosher, etc. but we make sacrifices. why? Because we love Hashem and keeping his mitzvos is what makes Him happy. That's how we give to Him.
I know it's still hard to measure, but let me give you an example, and you will perhaps understand why I've been thinking about this lately. I went swimming with my family this past weekend. A toe in the pool test proved the water to be excruciatingly cold, there was no way I was going in. I was content to sit next to the pool and read, enjoying the last sun rays of the summer. My little one however wanted to go in the water and could not go in without someone in the pool to supervise. After a half hour of attempts, plea bargains etc., I realized I was wasting my breath. I had no choice. I wanted my little one to be happy, and this is what would make her happy. I took a running start and jumped into the pool. Other than frostbite, I gained nothing by this act other than seeing the look of sheer happiness on my little one's freezing wet face.
Trust me, I am quite sure I would not have done that for anybody else. Lesser sacrifices, perhaps, but if you remember from one of my earlier posts.............. I love my daughter.