Silence
A little while ago I found myself in an interesting situation. It was a Shabbos afternoon and I discovered my daughter alone in her bed and crying. After wading through the tears, I discovered that my daughter was insulted by someone close to her. The problem that I faced, was that the other person wasn't wrong. What she had said about my daughter may have been hurtful for my daughter to hear, but ultimately she was right. My mind started racing. What should I do? I can't turn to blogworld and ask for advice, it was shabbos after all. If I say that the other person shouldn't have said that, my intention may have been that THAT PERSON should not have said it, but what my daughter would have heard is, that she didn't do anything that merited the admontion that she received, which was not the case. She was clearly not up to a long detailed discussion about things yet either.
Siyata Dishmaya set in. I said nothing. I just crawled into her bed with her and hugged her and held her tight. We stayed like that for a few minutes, maybe even five. My daughter, by then, had already stopped crying. She pulled away slightly. Wiped away the tears. Looked me square in the eyes and said "Abba, you're the BEST!". She then hugged me and ran back off to play.
Sometimes I guess the saying is true, Silence is Golden - Siyag L'Chochmo, Shtika.
posted by A Frum Idealist | 10/11/2006 02:52:00 PM
10 Comments:
Sometimes, people don't want a voice, a story, or commiseration... just love from someone important is enough. Good job, ABBA!
amazing!!! i was just gonna post about that.. synchronicity at work, i love it!
lucky girl you have :)
What a dad!
Well stated. Gut Moed!
ppl tlaking without speaking
the sound of silence
thats real love
i wish my dad wouldnt speak much.lol.
That's excellent how you handled it. Sometimes, a hug is all that's needed.
What can I say, seems like it was already said in comments before me.
:-) Good job!
(But how to instill that what she did was wrong...? Leave it for another time when she is less distressed?)
PS - Great pic, lol. Looks VERY familiar!
oh gosh - that was just the best!
i just did the same with my daughter..although much older than yours..she was in her room upset about something..i went in, took her hand in mine, and then she placed her head in my lap and cried softly..i stroked her hair until she felt somewhat cleansed..no words necessary, but to show love and care
thank you all for your comments.
frumgirl, I thought the pic looked familiar. Now that you mention it....... my sincerest apologies.
You are correct, I did address the issue with her at a later time, but then was not the time.
I find this fascinating in life, not just in how people interact with their children, but even with how people interact with other adults. If we are trying to give constructive criticism, it's not for our benefit, it's for the other person's benefit. That being the case, the message has to be conveyed, not in a way that we want to convey it so much as the way in which the other person would best be able to and most likely to receive the information, take it to heart and make the necessary changes. Even with adults, you don't need to yell to get your point across, in fact, yelling often achieves the exact opposite of the desired result.
I went through this once. Another person, actually a brother of a friend of mine during shabbos made a rude comment towards me and I teared up and left the table. Soon after someone followed me and tried saying that they were going to talk to the boy and have him apologize and I was mortified. I wish someone had just let me cry and came to sit with me for a minute and let it pass.
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