The Day After...
I remember very vividly back to my childhood years and the days that I dreaded the most. It was always the day after. The day after my birthday was traditionally one of the most depressing days of the year. In camp, the most depressing night was always the night after Visiting Day.
Every year I would anxiously look forward to my birthday. What would this one do, what would that one do, what presents would I get, etc etc etc. Then my birthday would come and it would inevitably not live up to my expectations. Few friends would remember, the presents would be somewhat weak, if at all. What a letdown. The next day that letdown and void would only continue and get that much worse. 364 days to my next birthday. I don't know if I would forget the fact that the birthday wasn't the greatest or I would just look forward to next year's sure that it would be great. To some degree it ties in to my "Great Expectations" post from a few weeks back.
In any case, even though I am older, nothing has really changed. Yesterday was BH a great day, not my birthday, and having nothing to do with the SuperBowl, and now today I am once again left with that feeling of void. I should be reveling in how great yesterday was, and to some degree I am, but at the same time, I am down. As an adult, I reflect differently than I did as a child. Did I make the most out of the day yesterday? Did I absorb every minute and second that I should have?
Too late now. That opportunity is gone. Others will come, but that one is gone. I think I made the most of it. I really hope that I did. It wasn't easy, so many other distractions. I did the best I could. In the end, is that enough?? Ultimately, it doesn't matter. Life goes on. I hope I am the better for it, and will be even more conscious in the future to revel in the moment and focus on what's really important. Life is great, right?????
So, why am I still down?
Every year I would anxiously look forward to my birthday. What would this one do, what would that one do, what presents would I get, etc etc etc. Then my birthday would come and it would inevitably not live up to my expectations. Few friends would remember, the presents would be somewhat weak, if at all. What a letdown. The next day that letdown and void would only continue and get that much worse. 364 days to my next birthday. I don't know if I would forget the fact that the birthday wasn't the greatest or I would just look forward to next year's sure that it would be great. To some degree it ties in to my "Great Expectations" post from a few weeks back.
In any case, even though I am older, nothing has really changed. Yesterday was BH a great day, not my birthday, and having nothing to do with the SuperBowl, and now today I am once again left with that feeling of void. I should be reveling in how great yesterday was, and to some degree I am, but at the same time, I am down. As an adult, I reflect differently than I did as a child. Did I make the most out of the day yesterday? Did I absorb every minute and second that I should have?
Too late now. That opportunity is gone. Others will come, but that one is gone. I think I made the most of it. I really hope that I did. It wasn't easy, so many other distractions. I did the best I could. In the end, is that enough?? Ultimately, it doesn't matter. Life goes on. I hope I am the better for it, and will be even more conscious in the future to revel in the moment and focus on what's really important. Life is great, right?????
So, why am I still down?
posted by A Frum Idealist | 2/06/2006 09:30:00 AM
8 Comments:
I always tried to make a big deal of my birthday as a kid, but somehow, my actual birthday was always one of the worst days. Also I used to be so excited for the first day of school, and then I would get there and think, Why was I even excited again?
Because now you have nothing to plan and it leaves a void. I am sure something else will come up that can fill that up very shortly... at least I hope so. For now, enjoy this feeling... if you can.
I remember looking forward to my birthday and the presents.
Anyway, Afi, I agree about making the most of the moment.
I think the biggest question is......What was so special about yesterday???? do tell....
You're way to hard on yourself, in today’s world if you haven't killed anyone, and haven't intentionally hurt anyone you had a wonderful day, and you’ve accomplished a lot.
It's ideal to think that every single day we ought to grow and do something concrete to add to our list of wow I did it.
But that's not a good way of looking at it, it's a way of life that creates voids.
You did nothing wrong or bad yesterday, and that’s doing something good that few people accomplished!
There's always this letdown..after giving a concert..a speech..etc
Its a depressing feeling..of adoration..and then...back to reality...
I've always been depressed on that actual day -is that weird? It'll be my birthday and I'll get depressed. I always thought that it was because, as my mother told me, my "expectations weren't reached."
But now I realize that I get a feeling of depression/sadness at intensely happy moments, like when my whole family's together, a simcha, etc. But that feeling wasn't ever true depression, it was more- I think -an emotion that my humanity is unprepared to deal with. Our physical bodies were never "born" to experience spiritual pleasure -our souls do. So when we feel happiness, or satisfaction on a spiritual level, there's a lacking, therefore a sadness in that. And when we are experiencing any purely physical pleasure -aka this world goodness -there's also a lacking, in our spiritual selves, and therefore, sadness.
This makes us sound like sad people, but it's not so. Really we are just a complicated people.
Sorry to disappoint you DM, but I am very much in love with my wife. There is nothing that I would change.
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