Where's Our Focus??
I have been reflecting these last few days. Between my experience this past Sunday, a post that I read on someone else's blog and a video that I received in e-mail, I have started to focus on my perspectives. Where do we put the majority of our time and efforts?
Our lives are so busy, we are running from here to there and then back. We don't take the time to appreciate the life that we are leading. Someone once advised me to "work to live", not the other way around. Great advice, although not so easy to heed. We are so concerned about making money so that our family has a great life and everything they want, we tend to deprive them of the one thing that they need most, US!
How many of us spend so many hours working or in transit, that our kids only see us on shabbos? Even then, we are so exhausted from the amount of hours that we worked during the week, that we spend most of shabbos asleep. When do our children see us awake and in action?
Even when they do talk to us, how often are we REALLY paying attention? How many times do we listen to them with one ear, while checking e-mail, blackberry or cell phone with some, if not most, of our attention.
After a hundred twenty years, if the best thing that people or your family can say about you is that you were a great worker and employee, there's something very wrong with that situation. It's our family that counts the most. At least it should be. I don't know about you guys, but nothing brings me more joy than seeing my child smiling at me or telling me a story of what happened in school. I have been working on changing my focus, and I recommend it for everyone else as well. The rewards will definitely make the effort worthwhile. I know it's only been a few days, but I have been trying to get home from work a little bit earlier so that I can spend time with them, and taking a second to stop and kiss them before leaving in the morning. It's a few little things, but I'm sure it will make a big difference to them in the long run.
The video that I referred to earlier, really drove home this point. I had really wanted to attach it to this post, but I couldn't figure out how or if it was possible. If anyone is interested in seeing it, by all means, e-mail me and I will forward it to you. I think it's worth seeing. It brought tears to my eyes.
Our lives are so busy, we are running from here to there and then back. We don't take the time to appreciate the life that we are leading. Someone once advised me to "work to live", not the other way around. Great advice, although not so easy to heed. We are so concerned about making money so that our family has a great life and everything they want, we tend to deprive them of the one thing that they need most, US!
How many of us spend so many hours working or in transit, that our kids only see us on shabbos? Even then, we are so exhausted from the amount of hours that we worked during the week, that we spend most of shabbos asleep. When do our children see us awake and in action?
Even when they do talk to us, how often are we REALLY paying attention? How many times do we listen to them with one ear, while checking e-mail, blackberry or cell phone with some, if not most, of our attention.
After a hundred twenty years, if the best thing that people or your family can say about you is that you were a great worker and employee, there's something very wrong with that situation. It's our family that counts the most. At least it should be. I don't know about you guys, but nothing brings me more joy than seeing my child smiling at me or telling me a story of what happened in school. I have been working on changing my focus, and I recommend it for everyone else as well. The rewards will definitely make the effort worthwhile. I know it's only been a few days, but I have been trying to get home from work a little bit earlier so that I can spend time with them, and taking a second to stop and kiss them before leaving in the morning. It's a few little things, but I'm sure it will make a big difference to them in the long run.
The video that I referred to earlier, really drove home this point. I had really wanted to attach it to this post, but I couldn't figure out how or if it was possible. If anyone is interested in seeing it, by all means, e-mail me and I will forward it to you. I think it's worth seeing. It brought tears to my eyes.
posted by A Frum Idealist | 2/09/2006 10:11:00 AM
15 Comments:
So true... little things like what you said make such a huge impact on your children and spouse. But remember if it is truly impossible to be around as much as you'd like then stick to the rule of quality if lacking quantity.
Important lesson...
It's very important to spend time alone with each child...to read them a book...take a walk...go to the park..
Important to do that with ur spouse too
Are you talking about the AvosUbanim video clip?
Chilling..
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Wow, I totally agree. I try to make sure I kiss and hug my kids everyday. When my husband gets home I try to make sure he goes into there rooms to do the same. They will remember those moments. It will make a very big difference in their lives. When kids feel secure at home they are able deal with issues outside the house with more confidence. This reminds me of the song, "Cats in the cradle".
Beautiful post, my email is pragmatician@gmail.com
Today people chat with each other but fail to talk.
Ask a random kid nowadays to tell you something about his parents and hell' name their job, but little else.
frumgirl, david - without question this applies to spouses as well. It's just that much harder with kids because their sleeping patterns differ from ours so greatly. Also, at their ages and levels, it forms much more of a lasting impression.
nobody - welcome back. it's amazing how much telling a child you love them, and them seeing in your eyes how much you mean it, does for the self esteem and overall well being of the child.
eshet, captain - that is the video that I was referring to.
chaverah - excellent. keep it up
prag - sent. got it?
Datingmaster - you have a very negative view of marrage. Why would Frum idealist need to be newly married in order to be in love. If you are with the right person you can be in love forever. I am surprise you make these assumptions.
Are you refering to the "uvos ubanim" clip?
-where little Shloimy asks his daddy how much he earns-?
(and wants to buy half housr of his time, with his saved money)
I saw that "Avos Ubanim" clip on RBR's blog... yeah the message is pretty clear and strong....
I totally agree. Reminds me of that song about the man who didn't spend enough time with his son and then when he finally had time, his son didn't have enough time for him.
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thanks for the video, it's not very well acted if you ask me, but the message is clear, now my question is where was that kid's mother?
It's funny that we both posted on this subject the same day. I got an email of the video from someone, and it was so powerfull, I decided it had to be seen.
me too. Unfortunately I was unsuccessful posting it. thanks for posting it and getting the message out there.
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