Thoughts from Parshas Devarim/Shabbas Chazon

We begin Sefer Devarim this week with Parshas Devarim. The sefer is one of tochachah, of mussar, so it's fitting that Moshe Rabeinu begins with giving mussar to klal yisrael. The Megaleh Amukos says that the first word of the sefer, "AiLeH" stands for Avak Lashon Hara. He quotes a gemara in Bava Basra that describes the bnai yisrael and says "ruban b'gzeila, miutan b'gilui arayos, v'KULAN b'lashon hara". Very scary statement. So the Megala Amukos points out that the pasuk says "Aileh hadevarim asher diber moshe el KOL yisrael". If he was giving mussar to ALL of them, it had to be about Lashon Hara, maybe not lashon hara, but at least avak lashon hara. what is the root of avak lashon hara? chazal tell us, sinas chinam. Without (at least) some, small, minute amount of sinas chinam, even avak lashon hara wouldn't be possible. Parshas Devarim is always the shabbos before tisha b'av, which commemorates the day on which the bais hamikdash was destroyed, and why? because of sinas chinam. The connection is, unfortunately, perfect.

The question has always come up, the first bais hamikdash was destroyed because of avoda zara, shfichas damim and gilui arayos. The big three. That makes sense. That churban only lasted 70 years. The second bais hamikdash was destroyed because of sinas chinam almost TWO THOUSAND years ago. The fact that sinas chinam was reason enough to destroy the bais hamikdash is pretty shocking, but enough to keep us in galus for two thousand years, is mind boggling.
Years ago I spent a shabbos with an african american ger tzedek. He is a truly amazing person. I hardly slept that shabbos, I was tied to his every word to soak up what he had to say. At one point, he turns to me, and out of nowhere, mentions the question I just raised. He said, he couldn't understand it, until a few years prior. He went on to say that he is an extremely calm, patient and mild mannered person. It takes a lot to get him angry, but there is one thing that gets under his skin and causes him to erupt more than anything else. It's when his kids are fighting with each other, particularly for no good reason. I think any parent with more than one child or any child that had at least one sibling can relate. He looks at me, and says, that's what sinas chinam is to Hashem. It's two of his children fighting for no real reason. I just stood there in awe. So simple, so brilliant.
Good Shabbos!

The Esoteric Meaning of Numbers - Numerology 105

Who knows FIVE?
I know FIVE.
Five are the book of the Torah



In Numerology 104 we established that the number four corresponds to the power of potential that was given to man. The hebrew letter representing the number four is the daled. The letter that represents the number five, is the heh. What is a heh? It's a daled with a little yud in the corner. what is a yud? a yud, we said was spirituality. The number five is the power to take the force of potential, the power of four, and wrap it all together to bring it back to the source, i.e. higher spirituality. If you look at perspective, what is it? four corners and then one more dot pulled back. It's the same thing. Nothing else defines this concept like the Torah. The Torah is the tool and the blueprint with which we have an understanding of how to tap into our potential and make it more spiritual.
What are the fives that we see in this world? We have five senses. There are five components to the neshama. Most glaring is our fingers. If you look closely, there are actually four fingers, and one, the thumb that points back. That is the power of five.
Our fingers and toes are both two sets of five. the luchos are two sets of five. and what is the fifth commandment on the luchos? kibud av va'em. again, looking back to spirituality recognizing that our parents are one step closer to creation and har sinai than we are, and honoring them for that reason.

I had heard that Aharon Hakohein is representative of the number five and how appropriate it is that he is the number five, being that he is the one who was the first to bring karbanos. As the Kohein Gadol, he is the perfect example of elevating the potential and making it spiritual. I have been trying to figure out though why he is the number five. Here are my thoughts....
Even though Aharon Hakohein wasn't zocheh to enter into eretz yisrael and do the avodah in the bais hamikdash, as the first kohein gadol to do the avodah, it's considered as if he did the avodos in the bais hamikdash itself. We know that on Yom Kippur in the Bais Hamikdash, the Kohein Gadol changed clothes fives times, and was tovel in the mikva before each change, so he was tovel five times, and he washed his hands and feet ten times (two sets of five). I seem to recall somewhere in the Yom Kippur davening where the Kohein Gadol is referring based on these fives.
In the ushpizins on Succos, according to many, if not most, Aharon is number five: Avraham, Yitzchak, Yaakov, Moshe, Aharon. In addition, the Bais Hamikdash was referred to as "hod", which because of the Kohein's avodah, translates to Aharon, therefore Aharon is described as "hod" as well. Hod is the fifth sefira: chesed, gevura, tiferes, netzach, hod.
Lag Baomer, perhaps as an aside, is hod she'b'hod or maybe that too makes sense because we are commemorating the yahrtzeit of harav shimon bar yochai, who elevated the world to an incredible level of spirituality.

So what we've established so far is, one = unity, two = opposing forces, three = balance, four = potential and now five = using the potential for spirituality to return to the one. One through five is bascially the cycle of life. The rest of the numbers are based on these original five.

I hate to use a die for this, because of what it "represents", but picture this as 3-D with the middle point drawn back... it reflects the perspective concept I referred to above.

Candyman

I saw a post on Jameel's blog recently with a sign campaigning for someone who was "running" for the position of shul candyman. I have been in shuls where the rights to be candyman get sold on Simchas Torah, and sadly it often goes for more than chasan torah and chasan braishis combined. It reminded me of an amazing story of a very different candyman.
There was a man who was niftar almost two years ago who had been the candyman for years in the shul in which I grew up. I had always assumed that he did it because he liked kids, was a giving person, and liked seeing kids smiling. By his shiva, his wife revealed otherwise. She remembers him coming home from shul one shabbos bemoaning the fact that "kids these days don't have the midos that we were taught in Europe", "kids these days don't have an appreciation and respect for the older generation". He made a decision right then and there that he was going to do something about it. He was going to become the candyman.
There were rules though. This was not just a candyman, this was a candyman on a mission. You couldn't just approach him and get a candy. You had to come over and say "good shabbos", and respectfully request a candy (you had to say please). You would get a candy and then say your "thank you", until you said it, you weren't allowed to leave. It was all done with the biggest smile you could possibly imagine. I have no idea upon how many kids he made a lasting impression. He was one of the most loved and admired people I have ever met in my entire life. yehi zichro baruch.
It's amazing how with such a simple act... you can accomplish so much, without anybody (including his children. they had no idea why he did it either) ever seeing or knowing or understanding your true intentions.

Thoughts from Parshas Matos Masei

In parshas Masei, the torah tells us (again) that Aharon was niftar and that his yahrtzeit is Rosh Chodesh Av. Not coincidentally, parshas Masei, always precedes Rosh Chodesh Av.
We are now right in the middle of the three weeks. The weeks of shlosha d'puraneesa. There are always three shabbosim during the three weeks and we always lain the same three haftoras whether or not parshos Matos and Masei are lained together or separately.
It's interesting to note the first words of each of these haftoras. The first is "Divrei" Yirmiyahu... speech. The second is "Shimu" dvar Hashem....hearing and the final one is "Chazon" Yeshayahu..... sight.
The three weeks are an opportunity for us to do teshuva on our aveiros that are committed in (almost) all instances, by one of these three senses. I have even heard that the aveiros that are "yeharaig v'al yaavor" fit into one of each of these categories. Retzicha can fit into speech. why? because we know that hamalbin or hamevaze pnei chaveiro, k'ilu horgo". We may not murder physically, but how many of us are innocent and have never embarrassed or told lashon hara about a friend.
Avodah Zarah means listening to the wrong voice in your head and finally Gilui Arayos fitting into sight doesn't need any explanations.
This being the week of shimu, let's counter the shimu dvar Hashem with the shema of shema yisrael and bring ourselves to the point where "hasheevainu Hashem ailecha venashuva, CHaDeSH yamainu k'kedem".
What is Chadesh? the rashei tayvos of CHazon, Dirshu and Shimu.
Good Shabbos!

The Esoteric Meaning of Numbers - Numerology 104

Who knows FOUR?
I know FOUR.
Four are the (fore)mothers/the matriarchs.
The Imahos Hakedoshos.

It's interesting that we had three avos, but four imahos. We established what the essence of the three is and therefore how and why it made perfect sense to have three avos. Obviously, understanding the imahos will define for us the number four.
What is the role of a father and what is the role of a mother? Starting from the conception of a child's life we see that the role of the man/father is to plant the seed and the role of the woman/mother is to take the seed and develop and nurture it so that it can grow.
This explains to us why, in tefilla, we always refer to Hashem as a male. Hashem is neither male nor female, but we refer to Hashem as a male because Hashem gives us the koach, He plants the seed within us and it's up to us to develop it. That's why it's brought down that Bnei Yisrael are like a kalla to Hashem as a chosson. Those are our roles.
If you look at animal life, an animal is born and a few days later, it's out on its own walking, stalking, hunting, doing whatever it needs to. Humans take many years to grow and mature until we are finally able to take care of ourselves. Why? Because that is our nature. To nurture the G-d given potential. An animal is a BeHaiMaH, those same letters spell BaHMaH, it is what it is. From birth it is what it will be. We are called Adam, from the Adama, the earth, which is again, where a seed is planted and then can nurture and grow.
I think this also explains one of the most famous questions about milah. Why weren't we born circumcised? The answer is that Hashem plants the seed within us, but again, it is our job to take it to the next level, to develop it, so we have to take that last step on our own. To finalize our own creation.
In Braishis, before Adam is created, Hashem says, Naaseh Adam, let US make man. This begs the obvious question, who is the us?? The most common explanation is that Hashem was consulting with the Malachim (see Rashi there) but the Shalah Hakadosh gives a beautiful answer. Who is the us? US, humans. We, together with Hashem, need to "make man". Hashem gives us the raw tools, but it is our job to nurture and develop them.
This is the definition of the number four. The power to take the potential that was planted and nurture it in this world.
The Gemara says that the Gimel-Dalet combination is for Gomeil Dalim. The Gimel/Gomeil connection is clear to see, but with this explanation, we understand the Dalet/Dalim as well. Obviously, it's not just that the words sound similar. When someone gives tzedaka, he has money that he is looking to give. He has the seed to plant, but it takes the Dal, the poor person, to receive the money and therefore develop and nurture the act into an act of tzedaka.
Understanding now what the four means, we can easily understand why the four letter name of Hashem was used to create this world. There are four components to our DNA, the building blocks of who we are and the nurturing and developing of our potential.
The pasuk tells us DaM hu hanefesh, we are our blood. What is the gematria of DaM/blood? Dalet is 4 and Mem is 40, the four in both the units and the tens.
Taking it a step further, what are we? We are the balance, as we said last week, between the physical and the spiritual. Aleph we said is Hashem/spirituality, DaM we just showed is the physicality. It also means taking the seed that Hashem gave us and nuturing it in this world to make it something more. That's what makes us Adam.

Im Eshkachaich Yerushalayim Tishakach Yemini

I had originally planned on posting something else yesterday and again today, but then I felt, how can I post about other things when my home and land are involved in such turmoil.
I wanted to post something, but felt I couldn't do it justice, so instead I will post links to Jameel and his constant mesiras nefesh, updating us on a very regular basis and also to frumgirl's latest post and my long winded comment there.

I want to close with a thought. We say shmoneh esray three times a day, and even if we have strong kavanos at the beginning, towards the end, at least in my case, it starts to wane. The last bracha is the bracha of "Sim Shalom" where we are asking hashem to grant us peace. Let's all make EVERY effort when we daven to have exceptionally strong kavana at that point, and in that zechus, Hashem should hear our prayers and restore peace to our land, the way it was 3300 years ago.

Thoughts from Parshas Pinchas

In this week's parsha, right after sheini, the Torah is delineating the bnei yisrael that were on the verge of entering into eretz yisrael, broken down by sheivet and family. When the Torah gets up to Dasan VaAviram, the Torah refers to them as kri'ei ha'eida. However, in the Torah it is written with a vuv not a yud, so it could/would mistakenly be read kru'ei. Interestingly, in Parshas Bamidmar, when the Torah enumerates the nesi'im, it refers to them as kru'ei ha'eida but it's spelled with a yud not a vuv, so it could/would mistakenly be read kri'ei ha'eida.
Interesting juxtaposition.
I heard a great answer from Harav Herschel Schechter. I just hope I quote it correctly.
The difference between kri'ei and kru'ei is that kri'ei implies that they were called or summoned by individual(s) and kru'ei means they were called or summoned by more, by the eida as a whole. We can perhaps understand the difference as follows. Dasan and Aviram felt of themselves that they were called by the entire congregation. The Torah records their mistaken thought, which is why it is written referring to them as kru'ei, but in reality it was their own individual calling and therefore we read it, the correct way, kri'ei.
By the nesi'im it was just the opposite. In their own minds, they were small, acting on their own, kri'ei, however, we read it correctly, kru'ei, they were acting on behalf of all of klal yisrael.
I also had the thought that by the nesi'im kru'ei was written with a yud in the middle, because yud signifies Hashem. They acted with Hashem always on their minds and at the center of all of their actions. Dasan and Aviram on the other hand, did not act in the way that Hashem would have wanted them to and therefore even though they should have had a yud in their description, the Torah omits the yud, as if to illustrate this fact to us. (This was my own thought, so feel free to rip it apart.)

It's important for us to realize our self worth, but not let it get to our heads. We need to act big but think of ourselves as small.
Good Shabbos!

The Esoteric Meaning of Numbers - Numerology 103 - Part II (continued)

In my previous post, I didn't get the chance to explain the connection between the three, its essence as described, and the gimmel.
Gimmel is the same as gomeil, one who gives or nurses. Gimmel is actually the letter that represents the female. The nurturer. The "giver". However, it also means to wean, which is the exact opposite of giving. If you understand the Torah definition of giving though, it makes sense. Endless/limitless giving is not a good thing. We see many children who have been given to constantly, often grow up to become extremely spoiled. The true essence of giving is to give as long as it is necessary to give, and then not give any more. There is a point at which to stop.
We also discussed the fact that the first time a word in the torah starts with a specific letter, that word defines the letter. The first word that starts with the letter gimmel is gadol or more acurately hagedolim. The word gadol truly defines the gimmel. The word gadol can be split into two. Gimmel meaning to give, and the remaning two letters are daled and lamed which spell "dal", a poor person. A gadol is one who gives to a poor person, which is exactly how the gemara defines the gimmel, gomeil dalim.
This again, all goes back to balance. Someone who has, giving to someone who doesn't. Understanding that it all comes from Hashem and by giving to someone who is less fortunate we create a balance in the world which is our goal on this earth.
I also found it interesting that in the echad mee yodea, the three is the first time that the answer provided to what the number is, is a human being. The avos. I think that teaches us that the three and the lesson of the three is our essence and what our goal is to achieve.

The Esoteric Meaning of Numbers - Numerology 103

Who knows THREE?
I know THREE.
Three are the (fore)fathers.
The Avos Hakedoshim.

What is the essence of the number three? Three is the basis of our existence.
As discussed before when we were on the number two, the world was created with twos, good and bad, happy and sad, etc. Three is the ability to create the balance which is what is needed in this world. The "two" are diametrically opposed. Like two parallel lines, they will never come together unless there is a third to create the balance. When Hashem created the world, he created heaven and earth, spirituality and materialism. What is the balancing factor? Mankind. It is OUR responsibility to balance spirituality and materialism. Ruchniyus and Gashmiyus. Unlike others who think that one reaches his/her peak by doing away with materialism, we understand that a synthesis of the two, using materialism to achieve spirituality, is the ultimate goal.
In life, our goal is not to make object choices. It's not about choosing "A" or "B" exclusively. Being an extremist in any direction is NOT a good thing. Our job is to balance. The reason a character trait is called a mida is that mida also means a measure. We need to measure out our traits and create balances of the correct amounts. As we see in Koheles, all of the "ittim", there is a time for each one. There is a time to be kind, and there is even a time to kill.
Time and space are broken in threes. In space, there is length and width and then depth/height. Time is even easier to understand. The future in unlimited. The past is finite, it's done and gone. The present is the balance between the two.
Every action/mitzva is created using one of three methods, thought, speech or action. Our soul is broken into three (nefesh, ruach and neshama).
The minimum amount of psukim in an aliya is three, the minimum number of aliyos given out any time that we lain, is three, the minimum number of judges is also three.
Let's take a close look at the avos. Avraham was known for his chesed. He was all giving, expansion, love, growth. What was Yitzchak? The exact opposite. Gevurah. Limitation, constraint, the one who allowed himself to be put on the mizbayach. What is the third ingredient in the makeup of klal yisrael? The third father. The synthesis of the first two. Yaakov Avinu. What was his maala, "Yaakov ish tam" he was complete. He was perfect. Reconciling, balancing, harmonizing and synthesizing. How did he achieve that? The pasuk goes on to say that he was a "yosheiv ohalim". Through Torah. The Torah is the ultimate three. It's brought down in the gemara, mesechta shabbos that the Torah is three (Torah, Neviim, Kesuvim) given to a nation of threes (Kohanim, Leviim and Yisraelim) in the third month (Sivan) after three days of preparation (shloshes yemai hagbala) to a third family (Moshe was the third of three children, three generations from Levi who was the third of the shevatim, children of the third of the three avos). The torah is the ultimate "three", the ultimate balance or guide for us on how to balance.
It is brought down in the Tanna Dvei Eliyahu that Hashem took snow from the kisai Hakavod and used it as a basis for the universe. Why snow? Harav Moshe Shapiro says that unlike water which all blends together, snow, remains individual but groups together to create a greater/stronger force. Klal Yisrael is made up of many groups, ashkenazim, sephardim, chasidim (of many different types), misnagdim, etc etc. That's all fine, we are not looking for everyone to be the same, we should all have differences, but yet come together as one. Ready for the kicker? What is the gematria of snow/sheleg? shin=300, lamed=30, gimmel=3 = 333 .... each one is the three in the units, tens and hundreds, and that is the basis of the universe.

Legacies

Last week, I posted, reflecting on my blog and my reflections of my own life. It made me think. I know what my wife thinks of me. She tells me with complete clarity. I think I know what my friends think of me, then again you never really know for sure, but ultimately, how much does that really matter.
What about the people that mean the most??? What about my children????
What do they see with those sharp, piercing, ever-seeing eyes? They wouldn't tell me the truth if I asked them. They'll just tell me what they think I want to hear.
What traits of mine will they grow up and emulate? How would they define me as a person? If, G-d forbid, something happened to me today, what and how would they remember me? What would they consider my legacies, the things that I lived for, the things that I stood for?

Thoughts from Parasha Chukas(/Balak)

This week's parsha is full of interesting occurences. One of them is the death of Aharon Hacohen. When klal yisrael hears about his death the pasuk tells else that "Vayivku es Aharon shloshim yom KOL bais yisrael". Interestingly, by the death of Moshe, it says, "Vayivku vnai yisrael es Moshe b'arvos moav shloshim yom" It does not use the word "KOL". This implies that there were perhaps some people that mourned Aharon that did not mourn and cry for Moshe. The fact of the matter is that although both were manhigim their roles were different. Aharon was the peacemaker. As such, he was loved by and therefore mourned by all. The medrash goes into great detail describing the levaya of Aharon. Moshe however was the dayan. He had to pass jugement, therefore one of the two parties was often/occasionally not too pleased with Moshe.
It is interesting to note that at the end of the megilla it tells us that Mordechai was "ratzui lerov echav", he was accepted by MOST of his brothers. This is hard to fathom, he just saved the entire jewish population. My Rav once brought this as a proof. He pointed out that a Rav's job is to pass judgement and give mussar. As a result, he may not be loved by all, but ultimately, that's not his job. As long as he's accepted by most, and he's making a difference, he's doing his job. If he's accepted by all, there might be something lacking, that perhaps there's something that he should be doing differently.

The Esoteric Meaning of Numbers - Numerology 102

Who knows TWO???
I know TWO! Two are the luchos!

As I explained before, the number one doesn't exist in this world, which means we really begin with the number two. This is where the fun really starts.

The sefer Otiyot D'Rabbi Akiva cites that when Hashem was about to create the world, all of the letters came forward wanting to be the letter with which creation began. The Aleph being the first letter came first and asked to be the letter used. Hashem said no, you can't be the letter because the word "arur" meaning cursed, begins with an Aleph. The Bet came next and Hashem agreed to start creation of the world with the letter Bet, saying that the word "bracha" begins with the letter Bet. As we know, creation begins with the letter Bet, Braishis.
The Even Ezra is perplexed, and asks, there are plenty of positive words beginning with Aleph and plenty of negative words that begin with the letter Bet, so how do we understand this?
The Maharal gives a perfect answer. He explains what bracha means. We understand it as a blessing, but in reality it means multiplying. In fact, the very first use of bracha in the Torah is to be fruitful and multiply. There are many situations in the torah that I can think of where bracha means just that. Multiplying.
The Maharal goes on to say that the reason that the Aleph was "cursed" and creation could not start with Aleph is because Aleph is void of bracha, it is void of multiplicity. The first letter that has duplicity, and the only number that is always plural, "shnayim", is the number two corresponding to the letter Bet. The shoresh of the word "bracha" is "Bet", "Resh", "CHaf". The corresponding gematrias of those letters are 2, 200, and 20. Each is the first case of multiplicity in the units, tens and hundreds. So we see that two is at the very source of creation.
If we look closely, almost everything in this world is in twos or pairs.
night and day. up and down. left and right. good and bad. etc. etc. etc.
Chromosomes are in pairs. Even our brain is broken down into two, emotional and rational/logical. The heart has two functions, pumping the blood in and out.
How is the number two defined? By the luchos. Why are there TWO luchos? Couldn't Hashem have just given us one? (yes, I know the joke about the fact that it was free...) The fact that there are two luchos, exemplifies how the two is at our essence. The luchos are broken down into positive commandments and negative commandments, "bein adam lamakom" and "bein adam lachaveiro", spiritual and material. The true essence of the number two.
In fact, we refer to Hashem as our father. Why not as our mother? In actuality he is (kavayachol) both. The answer is that the word for father is av, spelled aleph bet. This term is used because Hashem took the world from oneness to multiplicity. From the one to the two.

Time to Reflect - Post # 100

I was about to start typing up the next post in my numerology series, but then I realized that this is post #100 and decided to take a moment to reflect. Sorry, please tune in Wednesday (BE"H) for more on numerology.

I have (apparently) been posting for slightly over eight months now. I have "met" many new and interesting people online in blogworld. Some have definitely made the experience positive and most importantly, somewhat of an entertaining and educational process. There is one person/blogger though that I have gotten to know, perhaps more/better than any other, and for that, I am most appreciative. That blogger is...........

Interestingly, my first post ever was entitled Who Am I .
Yes, the blogger that I have come to learn the most about over this eight month journey is none other than myself.

I'd be curious to hear my readers thoughts as to who they think I am, and there is of course time for that in the comments section, however, for now I will let you know what I have discovered about myself.

I really have found myself to be an idealistically frum jew. I am true to my principles.
I don't post for other people's comments, although I definitely do enjoy them.
I don't post for other's expectations, but I hope I live up to them.
I don't post based on my "persona", although I hope my posts suit it.
I post based on what I feel.
I post based on what I want and choose to convey, to you as well as to and for myself.
Over the last eight months I have discovered that the messages that I most want to convey happen to be ones conveying a frum, positive image.

Am I perfect? NO. Not even close. Have I ever said that I was? I doubt it, and, if yes, only in SERIOUS jest. I am human, I have surely made mistakes just like everyone else. I am constantly looking to learn and grow in all aspects of my life. I believe that once you stop growing and learning, you stop living.
I am simply a man who lives in a working world. I am not a rabbi and I am not sitting in yeshiva. However, the part of me that appears to be the strongest is the one that yearns for education and growth in the area of torah and frumkeit. I am looking to continue to make myself the best person that I can be.
Considering the choices that I make and have made, it really makes me happy to see that that is the aspect of me that appears to be most at my essence.
As a child, we always want our parents to be proud of us, and although that is important, and I feel like mine are proud of me, what I think is most important, particularly after reviewing my posts, is that I am proud of myself.

Thanks for joining me on this journey and I hope to continue to grow and learn and share and improve for many posts, I mean years, to come. :-)